free falling. /open

[JEDIAH]

i wear this crown of thorns; upon my liar's chair
FULL OF BROKEN THOUGHTS; I CANNOT REPAIR

April 3rd, 2005

There was a rushing all around him, wind screaming in his ears and crushing his chest inwards. He couldn't breathe. He felt smothered, an unknown force pressing down on him that wouldn't release. Wouldn't let him free. All was white around him, and before him appeared a small, brown dot. The closer he got, the larger it became until it wasn't just brown anymore, there wasn't just earth, but trees and mountains, rocks of varying size, and a lake just a few miles to his left. Why couldn't he have better aim?

He felt the prickling of needles long before he saw the trees, scratching at his skin and tearing at the leather tunic and pants he wore. Something tugged at his waist before his belt was pulled free, another tug at his chest and he knew that his weapon had been ripped from his back. He braced himself for impact, knowing it was coming, knowing it wasn't going to be a pretty sight. There was noise finally, aside from the rushing wind, and as he took his first breath he hit rock bottom.

Literally.

The sound of his fall shuddered the trees around him, his impact left a crater in the ground. He could feel his heart pounding his in ears, could hear the sound of the trees groaning as they swayed from his landing, could sense the agitation and fear he brought to the creatures of the forest hiding from the sight of him. He body ached, in ways it hadn't for centuries. All at once his feelings came back, anger, hatred, depression, and from deep within him the desire to love and be loved. The flame that had kept him going all those centuries ago as an immortal flooded into his body, filling him with joy and at the same time pain.

Jediah let out screams of anguish as his body began to contort and spasm. He gulped in air to try and ease the pain, but was met with bile rising from his throat. His blood felt like it was on fire, his body seared with lashing and scars that had disappeared when he ascended into Heaven. Now that he was back on Earth he'd have to go through two thousand years of torture all over again, in a matter of minutes. His screams grew hoarse, his body fell limp and Jediah prayed that the pain was done.

He had made the decision to Fall, but hadn't known that what the Angel's said would be true. He thought they were only trying to scare him into staying in Heaven, if he had known the pain that he would suffer for betraying God he might have thought twice about taking the plunge. No. He tensed as he felt another wave of pain tear through him. I would gladly Fall a thousand times if it meant I could see her. His body fell against the ground once more, too tired and bruised to care about the pain anymore. With only one glance at the sky, Jediah let go and fell into darkness.

---

April 5th, 2005

He didn't know what time it was when he awoke. How many days had passed with him lying in a heap of blood and sweat in the middle of a forest. All he knew was the aches in his body and the confusion he felt over the emotions that swirled within him. As a Warrior in Heaven he had lost the ability to feel anything but hatred towards Daemons. Even his feelings towards the woman who had been his soul mate for two thousand years evaporated while he was above. But now, back on Earth he had to remember to breathe as those feelings and emotions washed over him in waves, much like the pain he had suffered through. Thankfully though, this was much less painful than the searing of his blood.

Daring to stand, Jediah climbed to his feet, assessing the damage done to his body. His scars were back, and his clothes were torn, but what surprised him the most was the wings that still clung to his back. His wings. The large white wings that had been given to him upon his ascension, the gold trimmings that made him feel like a Prince, made him feel important. The Angels had told him that Falling meant losing his wings, but they were still there. He thanked God silently for this one gift.

Deciding he needed water, Jed took a step forwards, planning to leave the crater that his body had made upon his Fall. But as he moved another pain shot up his back. His muscles twitched in protest as the wings he so coveted, turned to fire and burned from his back, falling to nothing but white and gold ashes on the ground. A scream tore through Jediah's body, exiting through his mouth as he fell to his knees.

He understood now. He understood everything.

God was a bastard. The first steps he would take as a Fallen would lead to his loss of wings. The first breaths he had taken had lead to the weakening of his powers. He cursed God in his Heaven, grabbing fistfuls of dirt and grass and throwing them in rage towards the sky.

"I gave you everything! I gave up my life for you! I fought your battles!" He lost his balance and fell forwards into the dirt. Rolling over he stared at the sky, anguish coursing through his every cell. "I loved you. And this is how you repay me? This is what I deserve?" He tried to scream, to yell, to curse God once more, but he was drained of all energy. He could barely keep himself breathing as he laid there in the clearing, waiting for death to come.

---

Present Day

Jediah stood in the clearing. It hadn't always been that way. Years ago when he Fell he left a mark upon this area. Trees would not grow, life would not survive. He could still see the mini crater he had created with his body. The pain that had once teared through him echoed in his mind. He stepped towards the crater, his boots crunching leaves and stick beneath him. His blue jeans were dirty from a long day of working, and the cool breeze that whispered through the trees was a needed relief.

He didn't come here often, usually only when he was feeling the need to remind himself of what he had done. He had Fallen, and so far his new life didn't have any meaning. He noticed that he was still immortal though, perhaps the Gods didn't just forget about you if you hid away somewhere. It made him ache for release again. The emotions that returned on the day he feel were heavy and weighed him down for months. The smallest things would make him laugh hysterically or cry like a newborn.

When he had regained some semblance of control over himself he had set out to find her. And when he did he didn't know what to do. He led her here, to Brookings, the only place he knew. And now she was living her life again, and he was just a figure that showed up occasionally. He watched her from afar, but didn't have the ability to get much closer to her, and he hated it.

A crunching of leaves behind him alerted Jediah to a guest. He turned his head so he could peer over his shoulder, not sure who would be out so far in the woods.

beneath the stains of time; the feelings disappear
YOU ARE SOMEONE ELSE; I AM STILL RIGHT HERE

TAG @open WORDS 1259

[Deleted]

There was a feeling in these woods that lured Remiel. The touch of the divine.

Unlike Samael, he did not go to church. He did not strive to touch the Light again in that way. He found his light in other ways, more... controversial to the indoctrinated but they worked for him just fine. He still prayed sometimes though. Just in case he might hear that music brush his ears again. It hadn't, but Samael said sometimes he could almost get the sense that someone was still listening.

Even as an optimist, Remiel was skeptical. He preferred not to dwell on it- truthfully he enjoyed this new existance for all it's cost. There was so much life and passion. Though he would not trade it for anything, he sometimes craved that quiet that could really only be found in holy places. These woods were not holy themselves, but there was some touch here of something ascendent. And so he roamed, the dried leaves cracked underfoot. His jeans were dark, clean, and snug to his long legs, tucked into knee high boots of brown leather. A silk shirt buttoned over his lean torso, a silver weave that glinted in the light that trickled between the branches. A small, bright silver cross nestled in the hollow of his throat, suspended by a few wraps of brown leather cord.

His meanderings brought him to the edge of a clearing where the ground dipped abruptly and Remi realized that he wasn't alone. A friendly smile automatically quirked his lips, the corners of his cornflower blue eyes crinkling somewhat with true pleasure. His hands were relaxed at his sides, thumbs hooked into his belt loops.

"Hey, I didn't think I'd stumble into anyone else out here. I hope I'm not bothering you." His voice was light, riding the line between masculine and feminine. Though he was dressed in a way that leaned masculine, his build was largely androgynous. He freed one of his hands and offered it to the other man. "I'm Remiel."

He did not yet realize the kinship between the two of them. His nature was not suspicious enough to warrant a sense of what others were. Mercy did not discriminate.

JEDIAH

[JEDIAH]

i wear this crown of thorns; upon my liar's chair
FULL OF BROKEN THOUGHTS; I CANNOT REPAIR

A figure appeared beyond the trees that surrounded him. There was a white light that seemed to emanate from the individual and for a moment Jediah's heart leaped out of his chest. Either in fear or excitement he wasn't too sure. A cold breeze seemed to rush over him, goosebumps rising on his tanned skin. And just like that it was over. The stranger walked into focus and everything about him seemed normal. Almost normal.

Jed turned to face his guest and looked them up and down. Had they not been dressed in men's clothing, Jed might have mistaken them for a woman. It was odd really, to see a man so perfect, compared to his own rugged, lumberjack look he had going on. Jed hadn't been created by God personally, he'd been recruited into his war after being cursed by a God for several centuries. The angels up there had always been androgynous, he never knew if he was dealing with a man or a woman until he was up close and personal with them.

Something about this man, reminded him of those days. The days before he fell, before he regained his feelings and lost his wings. His jaw clenched as the man moved closer, Jed was rather protective of this spot, he wasn't entirely sure why, but there was meaning here, and he didn't like to know that people trampled all over it with their dirty shoes.

"I'm Jediah." He stared at the outstretched hand for a moment before taking it in his own. He had a strong handshake, one that usually made people shy away from him in fear he'd knock them out and drag them back to his cave. "You're not bothering. Was just doing a bit of walking. And thinking." He tried to offer Remiel a smile, but ended in a half grimace before turning away from him. He stared down at the hole he once rose from again and sighed.

"Long way for someone to walk out here." He glanced at Remiel again, "do you work at the school by chance?"

beneath the stains of time; the feelings disappear
YOU ARE SOMEONE ELSE; I AM STILL RIGHT HERE

TAG @remi WORDS 348

[Deleted]

Remiel could not divine the reason for the grimace nor the faint aura of discomfort that seemed to emanate from Jediah. He stayed at arm's length, coming no closer in case it was his proximity that bothered the other man. Instead he tucked his thumb back through his belt loop and let his gaze wander over the surrounding landscape. Something about it seemed odd. Nothing grew here, though dead leaves had blown over and matted the ground much like the rest of the woods. He crouched down and brushed his fingers through the leaves at the edge of the dip, wondering what had caused the anomaly.

"As was I. Something about this place reminded me a bit of where I came from." He glanced up, then back down at the dirt as he ran the detritus of years past through his fingers, noting that he did not even find the husks of insects. He had not failed to notice the grimace and he hoped that the other man was honest and he was not really bothering him.

"The school? Oh no." He straightened, laughing, and carefully dusted off his hands. The idea of him as a school teacher would have brought laughter to even his most dour of friends. Him, allowed charge of children? Likely he would educate them too well in the ways of the world for their parents liking. "I'm afraid I'm not here for so noble a purpose. I'm in the process of opening a club downtown. The town is growing and it seemed like a good time and place to start something new. The city was getting a bit too large for my liking. What of you, what brings you here?"

There was a quiet stillness to the way he stood, relaxed but absent of the typical fidgets and shifting that many people harbored. While Remiel couldn't claim perfect serenity (and wouldn't want to, how boring) there was a calm to him. He didn't even notice it normally, unless it was disturbed. His thoughts turned briefly to the club he was creating, finished now except for the people that would bring it to life. It seemed like an empty skeleton at the moment, lifeless. It needed people to give it movement and voice.

JEDIAH

[JEDIAH]

i wear this crown of thorns; upon my liar's chair
FULL OF BROKEN THOUGHTS; I CANNOT REPAIR

He clenched his jaw as Remiel leaned down to touch the edge of the crater. It was his, he might not technically own the land, but he's the one who created that crater with his own body. Jed tucked his hands in his pockets, distracting himself by kicking some of the crunchy leaves around with the point of his boot. There was something interesting about the way Remiel stood there. Like he had some of his own secrets he wasn't willing to share with the world. Jediah understood secrets, this town was overflowing with them, and currently he had the biggest one of them all.

Or, at least, he thought he did.

Jed felt like he needed to step closer to the crater without being too close to Remi. Casually, as casually as he could, he glanced up at the trees and moved closer to the side of the hole, across from his guest and pretended as though he wasn't doing it intentionally. He didn't understand why he felt so protective over this spot. It's where he had lost everything to try and help a person who could care less if he existed. But there were pieces of him here, pieces of a world he had left behind, a world he had been tricked into joining.

He didn't have the same religious feelings as most angels did, he hadn't grown up with Christianity being shoved down his throat. In fact he had fought against it in ancient times. Even when he was in Heaven he didn't care much about the preaching. He was there to fight, like he had done his whole life. At least his emotions had been taken from him, he didn't feel anything as he ripped through flesh and beast. He was just acting on raw instincts.

And now? He was stuck in a body that felt pain and emotions, and he hated that he missed being imprisoned up there. Jediah glanced up at the sky, had Remiel not been there, he might have cursed God out loud again. Instead he thought, very loudly, and held back the urge to flip the sky off.

"A night club?" Jediah couldn't help but grin at that. He had been in this town for over a year and there had never been more for entertainment than the karaoke bar in Downtown. Setting up a night club might prove to be a bit difficult for Remi to accomplish. This town wasn't known for it's night life. "Sounds interesting, how long have you been working on it?"

beneath the stains of time; the feelings disappear
YOU ARE SOMEONE ELSE; I AM STILL RIGHT HERE

TAG @remi WORDS 425

[Deleted]

Remiel was quite well versed in secrets, though he didn't think much of the ones he kept. He rarely lied, but he tended to bypass answers that he though might generate conflict that he could otherwise avoid. Better, he thought, to keep certain things hidden than to cause an uproar that might involve collateral damage. He could count on one hand the number of people who knew what he was- namely, only the few other fallen he'd encountered. It simply didn't matter that people know. It was usually better if they didn't.

He felt a little relief when his comment about his business brought a grin to the other man's face. He brightened a bit, returning it with a broad smile of his own. He didn't care if the humor was at his own expense- he enjoyed it all the same. Besides, he truly liked the business he was in and the invitation to speak about it was impossible to resist.

"I bought the building about six months back. I was only able to visit briefly for a few days because I was in the process of handing off my other operations." He rocked a little back on his heels, still energized by the memory of the long, anxious months where other things kept him from getting away to see what was going on. "I had a friend come out a few times to make sure everything was on track but I only actually got out here recently. Most of the basic staff has already been hired, and I have some friends who were willing to come out and help make sure things run smoothly until I can find the appropriate managers. There's just a bit more hiring to do."

A brisk breeze tousled his honey brown curls and he lifted his hands to scrape them back even though they were too short to really get in his way. His hair was really a bit too short for his liking, but part of making some things move smoothly for business had been a more conservative look. And so he'd cut his hair. Now he thought he'd let it grow back out. He hadn't missed that Jediah hadn't said anything about his own business but let it pass. He gaze drifted to the small clearing they were in and his smile faltered slightly, distracted.

"Strange that nothing grows here," he murmured, mostly to himself. His brow wrinkled slightly as he tried to put together the pieces of the puzzle. He knew a place like this, he thought. Something about it nagged at the back of his mind. Where had he seen this before?

JEDIAH

[JEDIAH]

i wear this crown of thorns; upon my liar's chair
FULL OF BROKEN THOUGHTS; I CANNOT REPAIR

Jediah was starting to get uncomfortable with the amount of time Remi was spending staring at his crater. His eyes watched his guest closely, something about him was very familiar to Jed and he couldn't figure out what it was. There was a time when Jed could sniff out what people were easily enough, but that time had long since past. His human life was starting to take over again and he couldn't tell a shifter from an actual animal anymore. Well, some he could, especially if they didn't act like the animal they were portraying. But, Jed had lost the ability to see things for what they truly were. Even more so in Brookings, where everyone was something different and everything seemed to blend in together.

"Yeah, it's strange." He coughed lightly, clearing his throat. He hadn't realized he had been holding his breath. His eyes scanned the clearing behind Remi and then moved to the canopy of branches above them. The sun light a warm reprieve from the cold breeze that lazily brushed past them. "You think it's something supernatural? There's been a lot of weird things going on lately." Casual conversation was not Jed's fortay. But he was willing to give it a go every once in awhile. He heard himself nervously chuckle and brought a hand up to the back of his head to grab at strands of his golden hair.

He wasn't sure why he didn't want people to know what he was. He had always been willing to show off when he was an immortal, but ever since his fall from grace he had been unwilling to share anything about himself. Was he ashamed? No, he had choose to return to Earth and break free from his bonds. He was frustrated, that was for sure, he had lost everything he had grown to depend on while in Heaven and hadn't been given anything to compensate for his loss. He was strong, fast, indestructible for the most part, but none of the powers or his wings. He was a warrior without a cause, perhaps that was what bugged him the most. Being complacent in a town with nothing to occupy his time but fixing up a school that didn't need fixing up.

Jed picked up one booted foot and kicked some of the leaves into the hole. His eyes going going back and forth from the ground to Remi's face. There was something, and Jed knew that Remi would eventually figure it out. Maybe he should just leave, or tell Remi and then tell him to leave. It was his crater after all. He sighed, indecision was another thing he'd have to get used to.

beneath the stains of time; the feelings disappear
YOU ARE SOMEONE ELSE; I AM STILL RIGHT HERE

TAG @remi WORDS 450

[Deleted]

Then just like that, out of the blue, Remiel realized what had been bothering him. He thought he recognized in the brief glance upwards something he'd only seen in his brother's eyes. And then he knew.

Cold air biting bare skin, like little icy needles digging into his eyes. Fear, colder than the air, froze his voice in his throat and shot tension through muscles that felt as though they had never truly tensed before.

it felt so good to feel

Then pain. Agony. Heat and blood and twisted bone, strong hands grabbing his, slippery with blood. Blue eyes darker than his, darker then with anger though not at him. Around them trees he only barely noticed beyond the haze of agony, dead branches and grey, sterile dirt beneath their feet-

He shook himself out of the grip of memory and staggered several steps back from the edge of the dip- no, crater. He kept going until his back pressed up against rough bark, his hands groping behind him, feeling the texture, grounding himself. He blanched pale and one his eyes swept back to Jediah the memory of pain still echoed there, overshadowed by empathy.

"Forgive me, I did not mean to intrude." It was like walking on the grave of someone's lost beloved- though Remiel had never returned to the place where he fell (it was not his way to look back) he knew that Samael had on occasion. To think, to grieve, or to remember. Of course there was a touch of the divine here. He could feel it now, in ground and in the air and hanging around both of them, as though the air was suddenly clearer.

Remiel shivered and bowed his head briefly. At his feet drifted a few platinum feathers, though he did not appear to have the wings to shed them. He had spent too long hiding for something so small (and yet not small at all) to fracture his control. He could feel faintly still the memory of agony high on his shoulders and low on his back. Slowly his hands came forward, crossing over his chest and he glanced up at Jediah from beneath his lashes. He wasn't really sure where to go from here. Part of him wanted to reach out, to befriend the other fallen. Another part felt that he should leave. He was intruding.

"I can go. I... know someone who prefers to be alone when he visits... a place like this." Perhaps it was because neither of them had truly opened up to the other yet, but Remiel didn't feel right putting the words in the open air. Though he was fairly certain that his assumption that the other was fallen and this was the place where he had landed was correct, it didn't seem right to drag his secrets into the air where anyone could be heard. Not unless he wanted to first.

[JEDIAH]

i wear this crown of thorns; upon my liar's chair
FULL OF BROKEN THOUGHTS; I CANNOT REPAIR

Once Remi realized what this spot was, Jed felt his face flush. He suddenly felt as though he had laid himself bare to Remi's scrutiny and didn't necessarily like that he felt so exposed. He shoved both of his hands into his pockets and looked away from Remi and his crater. He stared endlessly into the trees and woods. He couldn't focus on any one thing in particular so he just let his eyes wander how they wanted to. The cool breeze suddenly felt freezing and he had to force himself not to shiver. He'd already felt vulnerable with Remi knowing what he was... Or had been.

"It's fine." He let out a sigh and glanced at the ground, his dirty blonde hair shielding his eyes in a halo. He chuckled when he thought of it. Jed turned his attention to Remi, still not looking him in the eyes and lightly kicked at a few rocks near the edge of the crater. "I suppose I couldn't have kept this secret forever. Someone was bound to find this eventually and figure out what it is." He bent down, picking up a few of the hardened leaves and crunching them between his fingertips. "I choose to Fall a few years ago. I guess I keep coming back to reminisce about the good times... Well, there weren't many good times really." He glanced up now, giving Remi a sad smile.

"Sometimes I try to remember why I Fell. Why I gave up everything to return to this horrible place." He thought for a moment and scowled to himself. "Seems foolish now. Though I don't think I'd be any happier up there in that... Prison. Fighting for others is something I did a long time ago. I want to fight for myself now." His hand came across something soft beneath the leaves. Jed looked down and saw the remnants of a feather, it couldn't have been his they had burned to ash after he Fell. It was black, and had probably fallen from a crow or raven but he savored the feel of it for a moment before tossing it into the pit before him as well.

"Are you a Fallen too, Remiel? I assume you must be angelic as Daemons don't generally wander the woods for pleasure." Jediah cleaned his hands off on his jeans. Clapping them together to get the remainder of the dust off his skin. He continued to stare at his old comrade. Had he ever fought alongside Remiel? It was possible, but he couldn't remember most of the faces or names he came into contact with. Most were a blur of color and wings, and some were only blackened shapes in his mind. He tried to remember Remi's face, tried to see if anything looked or felt familiar, but his mind came up blank and he was saddened.

beneath the stains of time; the feelings disappear
YOU ARE SOMEONE ELSE; I AM STILL RIGHT HERE

TAG @remi WORDS 479

[Deleted]

There it was, in the open. Remiel felt almost like he could breathe a little easier. Like the tension between them had snapped and the air was a bit less still. He listened raptly to Jediah's story. He had never met someone who had chosen to fall. Those he knew had fallen for similar reasons to himself- punishment. But then he supposed that Jediah's fall was a punishment as well.

"Obedience is the cost of grace," he murmured, not quite a whisper but not quite as though he meant the other fallen to hear it. There was no bitterness in his voice, only a sort of quiet thoughtfulness. Remiel did not regret his Fall- he could not. He had known the cost of what he did when he began to question. He quirked an eyebrow slightly at Jediah's desciption of it as a prison though, a soft smile curving his lips. Still, what he said was quite enlightening. So Jediah had been one of the host- most likely an elevated man rather than a created angel. It was a difference in philosophy. He inclined his head in an affirmative response to the question and like letting out a breath he felt his wings unfurl from his back, scraping against the rough bark to stretch and spread, then gently rest folded.

They framed him, the color of dakr storm clouds. The faint musty smell, like an old down pillow, grew slightly stronger and his smile faltered. He could feel the shape his wings were in and it wasn't great. The feathers were grey, mussed, and twisted. In some places he was missing feathers completely. The ordeal of keeping them clean and functional was something he'd never had to deal with above but here it was a constant struggle. Still, he was lucky. He'd kept his wings. Samael had lost his to the demons that found him when he Fell.

"Not for pleasure, but they might for reasons that pleased them. I don't know demons well- I did not fight. My brother Samael commanded a Host though, for a time. It was long ago though. I Fell...," he paused, rolling the years back in his head, "Oh, over half a century ago. Close to three quarters of a century now I think."

"I don't think of why I Fell often- it doesn't really matter in the end. What matters to me is how I choose to go forward." He looked around at the woods, then let his gaze drift up to the sky. Momentarily he closed his eyes, feeling the chill breeze curling through the autumn woods and the rustle of dead leaves drifting on the ground. "Everything is so much more vibrant here. So much more... real. I had never truly felt before I Fell."

JEDIAH

[JEDIAH]

i wear this crown of thorns; upon my liar's chair
FULL OF BROKEN THOUGHTS; I CANNOT REPAIR

A pang of jealous ripped through Jediah with a force he didn't recognize. He immediately shifted his gaze when Remi let his wings loose. He had longed for the white and gold wings he had used to soar above the clouds for the last few years. They were the one thing he missed the most, the one thing he constantly dreamed about. As an angel he had used those wings to his advantage, they had saved his hide more times than he could count. They had been like a companion to him, he had prized them over everything he ever possessed. And when they had burnt to ash from his back the moment he tried to walk as a human for the first time he had felt an anguish unlike anything else pour over him. He had lied in that very crater for hours, weeping for his loss and unfairness of a God who had been worshiped for kindness for centuries.

Had Jediah been another person, or in a better mood he might have busted out laughing. He had never prayed to a God before, all his life he had been tricked and tortured by divine individuals and the fact that people still worshiped these idols made him laugh. They didn't care about any lives but their own. He had had first hand experience with several, and had been treated horribly by all of them. With a sigh, Jediah glanced at Remi again. His eyes hooded with jealousy as he looked him over and fought the urge to reach out and touch the soft feathers. It would have been awkward to touch another's feathers, they were personal things, it'd be like if he had stuck his hand down Remi's pants. Awkward and unwanted.

"I suppose we all Fall for different reasons. Some of us know when we're being treated like scum." He sneered at the crater, kicking a few of the dead leaves into the hole and then looking back up at Remi. "Others might never realize it and Fall for another reason. Not that I'm trying to drag it out of you, I've just never met another Fallen before." He glanced around the area, the trees were creaking in the breeze and the floor of the woods whipped up with dust and bits of leaves. "I Fell here and I never left here. Well, I traveled for a bit but ended up right back here to stay with... Well, never mind."

Thinking about her was torment for him right now. "You said you've been here for quite a awhile, compared to me, does it ever get easier? Dealing with these emotions and feelings?" He had been a warrior for so long before his ascent that he didn't remember what it was to be jealous and emotional. "I sometimes forget how to separate the feelings and figure out what I should be caring about and what I should just forget." He laughed softly. "I feel like a woman sometimes." He murmured to herself, but figured Remi would be able to hear him. He had many times felt like curling up in a corner and crying, but then remembered he was soldier and needed to act as such.

It was hard to deal with emotions again after centuries without them.

beneath the stains of time; the feelings disappear
YOU ARE SOMEONE ELSE; I AM STILL RIGHT HERE

TAG @remi WORDS 549

[Deleted]

So much bitterness, so much jealousy. Remiel was momentarily taken aback. He wasn't sure what to do. He fought the urge to mantle his wings around himself, to create that protective screen that would've given away his anxiety. Instead he folded the large appendages in tight to his back though he didn't will them from sight. Part of him wanted to make a quick exit as politely as he could but another part of him yearned for companionship. That part made him linger especially when Jediah continued to speak. He mulled over how to respond for a long few minutes, his thoughts briefly on how differently they reacted to their current states. He had never been so angry but then he wasn't a creature of anger. And Sam? Well... he didn't know how Samael had felt after his Fall. He had fallen so quickly into demon hands. By the time Remiel had Fallen, Samael had been living among men for centuries. His feelings he kept to himself.

"I watched my brother Samael be cast down. He began to question why it was that we fought the Morning Star to begin with. Why it was wrong to question. For his disobedience he Fell. It gave me a lot to think about. I chose to think rather than forget. And so I shared his fate." The story was short, spoken simply and without fanfare. "In a way, it was my choice. I knew the punishment for disobedience."

Did he know all of it? Perhaps not, but it changed nothing. Indeed, Remiel could not think of any consequence he had yet suffered that would make him regret the plunge he had taken. "I was lucky that he found me, so I had someone to help get me on my feet."

He shook his head, brows coming together somewhat quizzically. "I don't know that I really understand what you ask. Why should you forget anything? Everything you have experienced has shaped you, for better or for worse. Dealing with emotions has never been hard for me. Overwhelming at first because I had never really felt so deeply. I don't know that women or men feel things differently. I only know what I have felt."

He remembered the first time he had wept and the marvel of it, despite the pain his physical body had been in. He had never learned to be ashamed of his emotions, or to curb them. He accepted them as they came, even the ugly ones. He would rather feel them than be numb again.

"Perhaps you should find a purpose? The likes of you and I are not meant to be aimless." He offered a slight smile, wondering if he could somehow offer comfort. He took a half step closer to Jediah then stopped, uncertain. For some reason he suspected that the other Fallen would not gladly take any physical comfort offered. He manufactured his own purposes. Samael had found purpose in protecting his friends. Those who had always known the mantle of duty did not do well once it was removed. Perhaps that was what Jediah struggled with? Remiel could only guess.

JEDIAH